Note: This stuff contains events that may (ie. WILL) offend some people. My advice: F*** yourselves.
*****
Kim danced with the pole, progressively removing an article of clothing. Her boyfriend, Chris, looked on as she got naked. He objected, at first, but at every removal, he found himself starting to enjoy himself until Kim removed the last article of clothing and...
HulkSkywalker entered the room in his directing clothes and pipe and walked straight up to the two lovebirds. "Uh, you're using the wrong scriupt guys. This isn't `My girlfriend is a stripper', it's (echo)'THE #ALT-MMPR FANFIC!!!'"he boomed throughout the building. Kim stated, "Hulky, you said that it was the #alt-mmpr fanfic when you cast us for this thing!!"
"Kim, it's not the #alt-mmpr fanfic. It's THE #ALT-MMPR FANFIC, and I thought I explicitly stated that it was, and I have witnesses!!" Chris asked, "What witnesses?"
"Glad you asked. The Statue of Liberty, George Washington, Dean Martin, King Edward V, William Shakespeare..." Hulk trailed off.
"Hulky?"
"Yes?"
"Remember when I told you that you need help?"
"Yeah?"
"I take it back. You need to be stuck in the Betty Ford Center or something."
"Why thank you. Now, then, get dressed and let's get ready for..."
Nothing happens.
"for..."
Again, nothing happens.
"FOR!!!"
One again, nothing happens until a midget comes out and screams the fanfic's name.
"Thank you."
#ALT-MMPR.
It was a quiet day in #alt-mmpr. Everyone was idling. "It's a quiet day in #alt-mmpr today. Everyone's idling," HulkSkywalker stated. "Hulk: You spoke. You lose the contest," Rovang replied.
"GODDAMMIT!!!" Hulk cursed.
Typical day in #alt, you think? Think again. Soon, someone would come into the room that would launch it into its greatest moment ever...
Suddenly, Elvis entered the building. "HOLY SHIT!!!! Elvis didn't die after all!!!" Hulk exclaimed. "hulk, i've known it for awhile," tre retorted. "Uh, sorry, wrong channel. Thankyouverymuch," Elvis said as he left the channel.
Then there was nothing. And more nothing. And more and more nothing. And... you get the idea. Suddenly, a buzzsaw floated in and decapitated Anycool!!!! "OH MY GOD!!!!! THEY KILLED ANY!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!!!" Hulk screamed.
Anycool's Ghost then entered the room and settled down in a chair. "So... what happened between the time I was killed and coming back here as a ghost?" Anycool's Ghost asked. "Ahh, nothing much. Your body is decaying on the floor," Rovang stated. "Oh. Cool," Anycool's Ghost said.
"Now who the hell could have killed Anycool by using a buzzsaw?" Hulk inquiried. "I see that that handle has been hacked off." Suspenseful music played as Hulk realized. "Hacked? Off?" Hulk asked. Anycool responded, "OH MY GOD!!! THAT CHAIR IS POSSESSED!!!" "My God, Anycool, you're right!!! WE MUST KILL THE CHAIR!!!"Hulk said.
Kim, Amanda, and Chris arrived simultaneously as everyone in #alt at that time got weapons and surrounded the chair. "Uh, Hulky, Rovy, Anny,--"Kim was cut off by Any. "Please don't call me Annie." "OK. Everybodie. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SHOOTING THE CHAIR??" Hulk replied, "It's dangerous. That chair may have eeevill powers." Lightning rumbled as Hulk said those words. "Okee..." Kim trailed as a few party-crashers entered the room.
"OH MY GOD!!! THE EVIL LEAGUE OF PIMPLE-FACED NERDS HAS COME TO KILL US ALL!!!"Any screamed. "Shut up, Mr. DegenerateX. It's the hackers,"Hulk said. "OH MY GOD!!! THE EVIL LEAGUE OF PIMPLE-FACED HACKERS HAS COME TO KILL US ALL!!!!"Any screamed again. "That's more like it," Hulk stated.
The hackers and the people in #alt began their assault. Chris was frozen first. "Chris?"Kim asked. Then she saw his frozen body and began to moan. "CHRIS!
CHRRRRISSSSS!!!!!!!
CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR..."
We interrupt this fanfic for a special warning. Exposure to Kimberly Hart's screams for more than 1 minute can cause ear damage, loss of speech functions, and brain damage, and, in extreme cases, belief that you are the person called out by Kim. That is why we've broken into this fanfic. We'll return to our fanfic............................................................................................................................................. ...................................................................................................................................................... ..............now.
"Wait, wait, wait,"Kim motioned as we returned to the story. "Why hasn't Chris spoken at all during this piece of shit you call a story?" "Well, we're running a little bit over- budget on this one, so we thought it would slash the budget a bit if we could cut some characters. That's why we killed Anycool," I stated. "Um, but isn't he mad?"Kim asked. "No, he's flying around as a ghost and loving every minute of it," I said. A little shaking could be heard as Anycool slammed headfirst into the "#alt-mmpr fanfic" sign.
We now return to our regularly scheduled fanfic already in progress. Out of nowhere, James Earl Jones intoned "This is CNN." "Jamesey, go back to your Ted Turner Network. We don't need you,"I said. Then we rejoined.
On the rejoin, all of #alt was fighting the hackers. Xander was annoying them to death with Buffy references. Kim was defeating them with her off-key singing. Timo was standing there naked and scaring the hakers- and effectively most of #alt to death. Hulk was distributing sunglasses to #alt to counteract the effect of blindness to Timo's nudity. Amanda was counseling them to be better citizens and more beneficial to the non-hacking community. Brent and Jewel were using their "magic". Tara was dating and dumping them like crazy. Robert was doing nothing. Phil was just plain being Phil. Lurk was idling, as usual. Rovang was using his vast PR knowledge to bore them to death.
Suddenly, things got out of hand. NickServ joined the room and fought for the hackers. ChanServ then joined our side and began to slaughter NickServ. Suddenly, services shut down. "That's what you get for inviting ChanServ," Trent said. The hackers brought in the nWo to fight for them. WCW then joined. The nWo, as usual, was kicking the shit out of WCW. By the time the hour passed, The Avengers, The Fantastic Four, Every lurker on the planet, The state of New Jersey, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and MAXMOUZE(who was fighting for the hackers) had joined the battle.
The battle ended in a draw, then everybody sat down to watch an episode of their favorite soap, "As The Jello Pool Turns."
Rov and Kittie were sitting in the Jello Pool. "Dearest Kittie, I wish I could escape with you to Tahiti, but I can't,"Rovang said poetically. "Knock it off poet-boy!"Kittie said, snorting out Jello. "Just murder Rap, steal her fortune, and then we make off to Tahiti together!" "The Perfect Plan!"Rov said. "Yes, the perfect plan,"Kittie agreed as this mess of a fanfic faded to black.
-end-